I have been wallowing in the depths of introspection lately. After I wrote my introduction post last week, I took the time to really come to grips with what has happened thus far in my life. What I have come to realize is that we all have a certain amount of baggage. Wading through the baggage is something that takes time and a heavy reserve of mental resources. When you begin to understand why you react the way you react to certain situations, you want nothing more than to change your path. Like Dr. Phil often says…. it’s not working so plug in and find something that works.

The questions I have asked myself (to exhaustion, I might add) this week are; why do I continue to go down a path that I know will only lead to feeling bad? Why do I make certain choices that make me miserable in the end? What the hell makes me happy? When I am happy, why is the happiness short-lived?

Becoming a happily married mom of three has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. Now that I have reached the goal, I feel a little lost. Sure, I have other goals: Finish my college education, lose weight, get a great job, etc. but somewhere along the line i’m afraid of the outcome of each goal. In finding a measure of success in any of these areas i’m almost afraid that it will ruin what I have right now. Don’t get me wrong. While I feel lost, I am also happy to be with my husband and children. I feel blessed everyday to have them in my life.

It’s like there are two versions of me and i’m trying to get them to meld together somehow.